Fix Me
[written with “Fix You” playing by Cold Play — thanks Chris]
Beautiful Jessica Hanson and her father Kelly Hanson were killed last Friday August 5th along with Adam Bacon, Jessica’s boyfriend and Joe Maldanado (sp?), Jackie Hanson’s boyfriend. If you’re lost, Jessica is our nanny’s sister and Kelly is her dad.
Talk about Freaky Friggin’ Fridays.
“PELE CRYING” — Robert Davies, 2003
For the first few hours of receiving this news, I checked my caller ID over and over just to make sure I got the call and the news from Casie. But sure ’nuff, the papers have it now. It’s beyond all the words in the English language. We’ve used Awful. Disastrous. Mind-numbing. Sad. I can’t find the right word. Probably never will.
Jessica and Adam both had their grip on their chosen sports, soccer and track. They were the storybook couple - team captains, all around leaders and had worked through disadvantages to eventually rule their worlds.
Why does the world have to be this way?
This blog stuff is ripe for things like this. I can just spew and you can read and my heart is supposed to grow lighter since I dumped it on you, but it probably wont. I wonder if they have Blog Therapy Groups or money back guarantees.
Rattling on has always been my profession but this takes the cake . I’m speech-less. Wish I had more Hawaii talk or something different. I hope the Internet is going strong in heaven so they can read this. I’m sure they have something better than this ol’ DSL. What is a Verizon anyhow? Maybe they know in heaven.
Jessica — Lars, Kristin and I wanted to tell you how much we love you. How much you made our world so much better. How much the world will miss you and how much you meant to so many that you touched every day. Even our friends that were in Hawaii with us noticed your grace and friendly, easy-going character. Lars loves his Jess Jess so much. He always will. We will help him remember you for rest of his life. You and I shared two great things - being an August 15th-er and being the baby of the family. While we didn’t see you as much as we’d liked, it was comforting to know that Lars had someone special in his life - someone so special you’d come over and play with a 2 year old on a weekend day without taking any money.
You impacted your family like you’ll never know. You were, to me, the reason families have that “one extra kid”. The world would be so different had it not met you. - See you again I hope.
Here is a song by Nick Cave that makes me think of you for some reason:
I don’t believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms
And I don’t believe in the existence of angelsBut looking at you I wonder if that’s true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms
And I believe in LoveAnd I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candle burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returningAlways and evermore
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O LordInto my arms, O Lord
Into my arms
My fondest memory of Adam was when we recently sold him a TV. He came with Jessica to pick it up and as he and I were stupidly carrying it up a flight of stairs (all 300+ lbs of it) we kind of dropped it. I felt bad for Adam only because he just ran out of steam and by then it was too late to get moving again. Jessica - the soccer champ just back from the weight room - saved us and the rest is history. We loaded it into Jessica’s 4 Runner and off they went. I instantly got the image in my mind of them loading TV’s into their kids cars in 20 years and how natural it would be.
I asked Jessica recently of her plans to marry Adam and while she was always shy, she brightened up and said it wasn’t all planned, but she hoped it could happen after college. These two had their heads on right and knew the time would come and they’d do it. I know for sure that she believed Adam was a 9.99 on a 10 scale and that he made her very happy.Kelly was a favorite of mine (in a family full of favorites) because of many reasons. He had already sustained a very similar crash years before and he rallied back to 99% of himself. He was someone I always asked Bindy about in conversations because with their incredible family, driven mainly by Bindy and four WOW! women, I didn’t want to forget him. Us dudes gotta stick together I figured. Anyway, he accompanied us on a trip to New York last December and I enjoyed all the great conversations. Anyone that knew Kelly was in store for a few great conversations when you saw him. We tried in vain, at least Kristin did, to get him extra work on Alias. I think he got on without her help, but Kristin made sure the cut stayed in. I loved that guy Kelly. I know you did too.Joe was someone we didn’t really know too well. But for sure I can say that Lars loved Joe. The other day he did his pumping of arms to the sky symbol for Joe (Casie tought him arm and sound symbols for each of the Hansons and some of their boyfriends). I told him that I was certain Joe heard him and that, indeed, he was looking down on him now from that sky. We always liked seeing Jackie and Joe around, even though it wasn’t enough. Jackie - come see us more ok?Some words to Bindy. Great, kind, powerful Bindy. I told Casie (and I don’t think she believed me) that I wrote a letter to Oprah, one of Bindy’s heroes, last year with the title SUPER MOM! I had recently gotten interested in the phenomenon that was and is O thanks to Bindy. And after teachers and other greats got noticed by O, I thought that a show on Super Moms couldn’t be far off. I told them about the never ending dinner parties for 25 - sometimes two a weekend, Kelly’s amazing recovery, and the super girls that resulted from their 30 year marriage. I have a great mom and most of think we do, but one has to admit that each has their limits and Bindy always acts like there is no limit. One of the articles said that she and Kelly saw every game of Jessica’s - on and off the road - and I assure you its accurate. Some of these games were in other states and half way across the world. That was just for one kid. She does stuff like this for all the girls and her many brother and sisters and her in-laws and parents.
I’m gonna hammer O again and see what I can do. Bindy, you’re the end-all, be-all to the success of the Hansons and you deserve everything great that a human can have. We love you lady. Lean on us for anything in the book.We are new to your family and we don’t know all but by the power vested in Craig’s list, we were and are the luckiest damn little family in the world. When Casie walked into our lives, the doors opened up to parts of human existence that many never experience. This is the text book stuff guys - nice people, good and humane, open hearts and instant love. What else could you ask for?
When I first heard this new Coldplay song a few months ago, I thought of you Bindy. Because you’re the ultimate fixer. You are the light at the end of so many of our tunnels. When you’re family sees adversity, you get them through it.When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix youThe strong, wonderful Carianne called me Friday to see if I’d heard. I did. Darnit. You are the leader now girl. Show them all your power, your grace. You’ll get that family back in place, day by day, second by second. Call me if you just need to cry on the phone for an hour. We are here. A good Lars fix can help you too. He just wants to play with “pay dough” anyway. 
To Case, we will say simply come back when you know it’s right and if it’s never right well then we understand. We love you unconditionally. Larsy awaits all your return to the normal side of life, whatever that is.Finally, I couldn’t be a Hothead without some finger waiving. Cars kill and because we are humans with a bazillion bosses and families to please we drive too fast and we talk on too many cell phones. I am the best at all this. Before you “ya ya” me and think it will never happen to you, think again. We are all suspect. So, when you go out today slow down and if the light is yellow STOP. Next time the cell phone rings leave it on the seat and talk later.Links of interest:
LMUGLENDALE NEWS PRESS
out - CM